Hey all. So as any fan of the show knows, I enjoy a beverage. A good camping friend of mine David turned me onto a 'Caesar' which is like a bloody mary, but with clamato (which is tomato juice with clam juice). I can't say enough about it. It's the best. Scroll down to skip to the recipe and miss out on my hilarious anecdote.
You may say to yourself "But Dan, I don't like tomato juice. I won't like this. Plus I have a rash right now that I'm starting to get concerned about." Well listen. First of all, if everyone else on Earth likes something and you don't, brother that's on you. You need to take it upon yourself to change your tastes to start enjoying it, and stop missing out. Not to tangent on this recipe, but this is why I also created the "Try Something 7 Times" rule of thumb.
It's pretty self explanatory.
I hated bloody marries but knew I was missing out on a delightful drink to enjoy during the mornings that also gives you a great buzz. Because a buzz before 10am with the entire promise of the day looming ahead of you is amazing. Maybe you'll go for a super long walk. Maybe you'll go run errands with a buzz. Maybe your wife will let you have shower sex. Man, I love shower sex. The possibilities are endless. Night drinking always ends in you going to sleep. Morning drinking can end up anywhere.
So I knew I needed to take it upon myself to learn to like bloody marries. So every time I was offered one, I accepted it. And maybe I didn't drink it all, but I had some. And then the next time I had more. And by the 7th time I got one, I liked it. A lot. And now I am craving one just typing about it, and it's 11:04pm on a Wednesday night. But it took 7 times of really, actively, open-mindedly trying it. You need to want to learn to like it and not be a baby about it or this might end up being the "Try Something 20 Times you Dumb Ass" rule of thumb for you.
Bottom line here - be a human and learn to like it god dammit. That goes for other immensely popular foods that some people tend to turn their nose up to: Sushi, eggs, semen (maybe my wife will read this and try it 7 times. That's a lot of times!)
But I digress. Here's my recipe for the best Caesar you'll ever have. Enjoy.
- Start with a good sized cup, at least 16 oz. Truth be told a red solo cup works perfect.
- Quarter a lime, and then score it in half to the rind, so you can rim the glass with it.
- Shake a bunch of celery salt onto a plate, and then drag the rim of the glass over the celery salt to coat it. This is crucial. This ensure that every sip you take has this amazing salt. How the hell they make this salt I don't know or care.
- Now fill the cup about half way with ice.
- Vodka time. I eyeball mine and pour about a 3-second count, which is probably about 2 shots. Do what feels right. Maybe for the first one be lighter handed. On the second one you're going to be buzzed and push the envelope. I like Skyy vodka for mixing because it's not expensive and doesn't taste like absolute burning ass either.
- Add about 3-4 shakes/squirts of Worcestershire sauce.
- Add about 3-4 shakes/squirts (you know what I mean by shake/squirt right? Shake the damned bottle over the cup so some drops slosh out) of tabasco to make it as hot as you want.
- Spoon in a small bit of horseradish sauce making it as hot as you'd like. Prepared horseradish or not. They're both fine.
- Open a jar of pimento olives and pour in a bit of the brine, and then add as many olives as you want.
- Shake in more celery salt. 3-4 good shakes.
- Add 3-4 shakes of celery seed.
- Now fill the cup up with clamato (or tomato juice if that's all you have).
- And then squeeze in that wedge of lime.
- At this point you can garnish with a piece of bacon, stalk of celery, a pepperoncini, some cheddar cheese. Whatever. People will judge you on your presentation, so do something cool here. But don't be obnoxious about it. It's just a fucking drink.
- Enjoy! I hate when recipes end with Enjoy. No shit. I don't need directions to drink it, digest it, and then pee it out either thankyouverymuch.
If you end up making one, email us a photo at firstname.lastname@example.org or tweet us @siftshow. And please get your rash checked out. It's not going away and it might be contagious. --Dan